Ok, so I always think about this but I never really write it down or tell anyone about it, coz I only ever think about it late at night when I'm pulling all nighters and normally no one is awake to tell, so imma just write it hear and people can read :). Now keep in mind, I'm not an emo, I'm a happy kid. LOL. Probably the happiest kid you'll meet, if you meet me, but yeah, just something I think about..
The thought is about death. Like just thinking about how old I am, and how many of my years have past by so quickly. It makes me think about my future and where I'm going to end up and University and my career and my kids and husband and everything. When I first started high school, my senior years seemed so far away, and now I'm a senior. This year, it really hit me, that I'm growing up and soon, one day, imma be on my death bed, thinking about my life and how fast it's gone past. I know it will happen one day, and that it's enevitable, but I really don't want that day to come. I know this sounds really depressing, but it's really not. I've come to accept the fact that I'm going to die one day, but sometimes when I think about things it just brings up this fear of dying.
Just for a moment, think about what it would be like if you were dead. It's so hard to imagine. You can't hear anything at all, you can't smell anything and all, you can't feel anything at all and you can't see anything at all. When you close your eyes you can see black, right? Well when you're dead you can't see anything, nothing at all. I just find it really hard to imagine that, maybe it's just me?
OMG. I SWEAR, SOMETHING IS MOVING BEHIND ME AND ITS FREAKING ME OUT!
Ok, back to what i was saying.. yeah death. I have so many questions about death, but no one to ask to get my answers. Where do you go after you die? Do you even go anywhere? If you're buried, are you just lying in the ground for the rest of your life.. well not your life.. but eternity? I mean, your emotions and thoughts and everything just seize to exist. How can that happen, even when you're asleep, you're still dreaming, even though you might not remember them, you are still dreaming. Some people say you got to heaven or hell when you die, some say that you just go to a place that you think is paradise. The Eygptians believed that you went to an underworld. Hindus believe that you get rencarnated as another living thing in another life. Who do you believe? Who knows about death? It's not like you can ask the dead what happens, they're dead.
Yeah, I'm sorry if I've depressed you on a happy day. I just think it's something that should be thought about now, instead of having a mid-life crisis. I just hope that when my day does come, that I've accomplished everything that I've to be and experienced everything that I've wanted to do. I would say have no regrets, but I already have regrets and I can't go back in time and change em, so I just accept it and move on. Actually, I believe it's good to regret things, sometimes it's not good to go and do things on impulse. But whatever, it's your life and if you're happy with it, that's all that matters, I guess.
I'm off nows
nights :)
P.s. always remember to SMILE :) good for you health (Y).
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Senior !
First day of school today. First day of year 11 today. First day of stressing today.
For the first time, school seems so significant. I mean, I used to bludge, or half-bludge, my lessons from Kindy to Year 10. Now, the teacher must get my full attention. It's kinda hard to do that though, when you have your funny friends in your class. In English, Leyla drew some kind of smilie with pressing the back of her pen lid onto the side of her hand =\.
The day was hecktic though. I had peer support for the first time, met little Year 7ners. My group was pretty well behaved, thank god. The one thing I was dreading was getting bratty year 7ners in my peer support group. Then I figured out we got like 6 sheets for PDHPE already, and so had to go figure out what that was all about and then had peer support again, and stood out in the sun for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty happy with my classes and teachers and all though. Except since I got into Accounting at TAFE, I want to drop ITM. Don't know how that's gonna go down. Hopefully, they let me drop it. I'm in the top English class and 2nd highest Maths class. I'm such a N-E-R-D and proud :). I just hope I don't get overwhelmed with so much work that I end up collapsing.
The teachers were being nice to us, which was really weird. Former Year 11 and 12 students had warned us about this, but it just didn't seem like it would be so real. The first 5 minutes of school had just started, and already teachers that I didn't even know where smiling at me just because I'm was wearing a different uniform. Weird =\.
I guess that's about all that happened today that's worth mentioning.
OH, I forgot. I visited my old primary school today, Parramatta Public. Weird stuff. It has changed so much, the toilets were even painted. Blue for boys and Pink for Girls, like you'd need colours to figure out which toilet to enter. The playground was all done up with colours on the pavement and THEY GOT RID OF THE SANDPIT! Mofos. Who gets rid of a sandpit. If anything, you bring a sandpit in, not get rid of it. That was the disappointment of my day. Most of the teachers were still there though. I liked it a lot better when I used to go there. It was really a shitbox, but it was OUR shitbox and we loved it!
Rights, well, imma go have my dinner now :)
til next time *dundundun*
:)
For the first time, school seems so significant. I mean, I used to bludge, or half-bludge, my lessons from Kindy to Year 10. Now, the teacher must get my full attention. It's kinda hard to do that though, when you have your funny friends in your class. In English, Leyla drew some kind of smilie with pressing the back of her pen lid onto the side of her hand =\.
The day was hecktic though. I had peer support for the first time, met little Year 7ners. My group was pretty well behaved, thank god. The one thing I was dreading was getting bratty year 7ners in my peer support group. Then I figured out we got like 6 sheets for PDHPE already, and so had to go figure out what that was all about and then had peer support again, and stood out in the sun for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty happy with my classes and teachers and all though. Except since I got into Accounting at TAFE, I want to drop ITM. Don't know how that's gonna go down. Hopefully, they let me drop it. I'm in the top English class and 2nd highest Maths class. I'm such a N-E-R-D and proud :). I just hope I don't get overwhelmed with so much work that I end up collapsing.
The teachers were being nice to us, which was really weird. Former Year 11 and 12 students had warned us about this, but it just didn't seem like it would be so real. The first 5 minutes of school had just started, and already teachers that I didn't even know where smiling at me just because I'm was wearing a different uniform. Weird =\.
I guess that's about all that happened today that's worth mentioning.
OH, I forgot. I visited my old primary school today, Parramatta Public. Weird stuff. It has changed so much, the toilets were even painted. Blue for boys and Pink for Girls, like you'd need colours to figure out which toilet to enter. The playground was all done up with colours on the pavement and THEY GOT RID OF THE SANDPIT! Mofos. Who gets rid of a sandpit. If anything, you bring a sandpit in, not get rid of it. That was the disappointment of my day. Most of the teachers were still there though. I liked it a lot better when I used to go there. It was really a shitbox, but it was OUR shitbox and we loved it!
Rights, well, imma go have my dinner now :)
til next time *dundundun*
:)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Australia Day/Chinese New Year
Well HAPPY BELATED AUSTRALIA DAY AND CHINESE NEW YEAR. I'm not Australian or Chinese, but for those of yous that are, hope you had a good one (Y).
My day started with an all nighter, which I pulled because I thought I was going hot-air ballooing, which didn't happen, but it was no big deal. I mean, I was excited to go, but I got over it pretty quick. Once, I found out I wasn't going hot-air ballooning, I decided to go to sleep and fell asleep watching Seinfeld.
At about 12 0'clock, I got a call from Leyla inviting me to watch Role Models and then to Parramatta Park for the Australia Day celebrations. So, we met up and went to the movies, Role Models was great. Heaps funny. I love Sean William Scott's comedy, they are so funny. Balls Out was another one of his movies, despite the fact that it was completely random, I thought it was hilarious. And ofcourse, American Pie, I mean, who could forget that performance.
Right, so after the movie we decided to head off to Parramatta Park for the Aussie Day celebrations :). When we got there, we saw all kinds of crazy stuff. Not really, there was just rides and food (Y) and music and other things. Saw a lot of people from school, seemed like everyone was there. Oh and Aaron was there *hinthintLeyla* :L. We found a spot in front of the big stage and waited 'paitently' for Grinspoon. The music was pretty crappy, except for this guy called Ash Graham/Galdwon/Grinwall (they kept chaning his name). He was one of those one-man-bands and he had some pretty M-A-D music. His album is called "Fish Out Of Water," it's worth listening to.
So, we waited til around 10:00 for Grinspoon's performance, during which is started to poor down with rain <.< Not fun when you have no jacket or umbrella, so we seeked cover under some trees with a poor excuse for leaves. We ended up having drops of rain falling on us from the trees as well as the rain. Grinspoon's music wasn't all that great, but there was one song i hadn't heard of that the lead singer played, by himself, on the guitar. He sounds better by himself compared to with his band. He should go solo with his guitar. Once it was all over, the fireworks began. It was pretty good, short, but good. Not great though, just good (Y). Then we walked to Parra Leagues Club where we were getting picked up. No one was talking on the way and we have silence for most of the way, until Leyla ruined it with "It's so silent" :L. Joking Leyla, I love to hear your voice :). After that, nothing really interesting happened, so that was the end of the day.
Well, as I'm writing this, a day late, I'm about to head off to Leyla's, so imma end the post.
laters :)
P.s "STELLLAAAAAA" :L (Y)
My day started with an all nighter, which I pulled because I thought I was going hot-air ballooing, which didn't happen, but it was no big deal. I mean, I was excited to go, but I got over it pretty quick. Once, I found out I wasn't going hot-air ballooning, I decided to go to sleep and fell asleep watching Seinfeld.
At about 12 0'clock, I got a call from Leyla inviting me to watch Role Models and then to Parramatta Park for the Australia Day celebrations. So, we met up and went to the movies, Role Models was great. Heaps funny. I love Sean William Scott's comedy, they are so funny. Balls Out was another one of his movies, despite the fact that it was completely random, I thought it was hilarious. And ofcourse, American Pie, I mean, who could forget that performance.
Right, so after the movie we decided to head off to Parramatta Park for the Aussie Day celebrations :). When we got there, we saw all kinds of crazy stuff. Not really, there was just rides and food (Y) and music and other things. Saw a lot of people from school, seemed like everyone was there. Oh and Aaron was there *hinthintLeyla* :L. We found a spot in front of the big stage and waited 'paitently' for Grinspoon. The music was pretty crappy, except for this guy called Ash Graham/Galdwon/Grinwall (they kept chaning his name). He was one of those one-man-bands and he had some pretty M-A-D music. His album is called "Fish Out Of Water," it's worth listening to.
So, we waited til around 10:00 for Grinspoon's performance, during which is started to poor down with rain <.< Not fun when you have no jacket or umbrella, so we seeked cover under some trees with a poor excuse for leaves. We ended up having drops of rain falling on us from the trees as well as the rain. Grinspoon's music wasn't all that great, but there was one song i hadn't heard of that the lead singer played, by himself, on the guitar. He sounds better by himself compared to with his band. He should go solo with his guitar. Once it was all over, the fireworks began. It was pretty good, short, but good. Not great though, just good (Y). Then we walked to Parra Leagues Club where we were getting picked up. No one was talking on the way and we have silence for most of the way, until Leyla ruined it with "It's so silent" :L. Joking Leyla, I love to hear your voice :). After that, nothing really interesting happened, so that was the end of the day.
Well, as I'm writing this, a day late, I'm about to head off to Leyla's, so imma end the post.
laters :)
P.s "STELLLAAAAAA" :L (Y)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Newbie
Ok, so I'm a first time blogger and this is my first post. So don't shoot me if it sucks :)
So, I decided to create a blog because my dear friend Ashley and I were talking over MSN and I was explaining how I really suck at writing. So, being the smart person that she is (I'm only writing such nice things about her, coz she's probably reading this.. nah, she be cool) suggested that I create a blog and develop my writing skills, which imma need coz I'm going into year 11 this year, which I'm dreading, but I'm sure you'll hear all about my complaints when school starts.
Btw, just watched Cops. Good show (Y).
So, as I was saying.. I lost my train of thought on what I was talking about. Imma just change the subject. Ok, so most of the time, really random thoughts would pass through my head.. like "HELLLOO NEW BRONSWICK" I think its from some show, but I forget which one, and now just that lines passes through my head sometimes. Also, the Malcolm in the Middle theme song.. you know "Yes, no, maybe. I dont know. Could you repeat the question. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now and you're not sooo big" and a lot of other random things.
I tend to blabber on about things sometimes. I'll be talking about one thing, and then it'll turn into something else, and then I'll be stressing over some dramatic situation. I dont know whats with that, I think it might be a condition.
Oh, and I'm almost always listening to some form of music, so I might just randomly write lyrics up while I'm in the middle of posting. Right now, I'm listening to I Believe by Yolanda Adams. You know, the song on Honey at the end, the one the group is dancing to.
Also, I'm a really really good typer :). I only realised about 5 hours ago. I can touch type and I can do it real fast. I'm really proud of myself for developing such a skill. I guess that's the result of sitting on the computer for most of your free time.
Alrights, well I guess that's about enough for my first blog. Just a little bit of info about me :)
laters xx Jani
P.s. Pineapple Express is an AWESOME movie. If you haven't watched it already, I highly recommend you go out and borrow it and watch it immediately :).
So, I decided to create a blog because my dear friend Ashley and I were talking over MSN and I was explaining how I really suck at writing. So, being the smart person that she is (I'm only writing such nice things about her, coz she's probably reading this.. nah, she be cool) suggested that I create a blog and develop my writing skills, which imma need coz I'm going into year 11 this year, which I'm dreading, but I'm sure you'll hear all about my complaints when school starts.
Btw, just watched Cops. Good show (Y).
So, as I was saying.. I lost my train of thought on what I was talking about. Imma just change the subject. Ok, so most of the time, really random thoughts would pass through my head.. like "HELLLOO NEW BRONSWICK" I think its from some show, but I forget which one, and now just that lines passes through my head sometimes. Also, the Malcolm in the Middle theme song.. you know "Yes, no, maybe. I dont know. Could you repeat the question. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now and you're not sooo big" and a lot of other random things.
I tend to blabber on about things sometimes. I'll be talking about one thing, and then it'll turn into something else, and then I'll be stressing over some dramatic situation. I dont know whats with that, I think it might be a condition.
Oh, and I'm almost always listening to some form of music, so I might just randomly write lyrics up while I'm in the middle of posting. Right now, I'm listening to I Believe by Yolanda Adams. You know, the song on Honey at the end, the one the group is dancing to.
Also, I'm a really really good typer :). I only realised about 5 hours ago. I can touch type and I can do it real fast. I'm really proud of myself for developing such a skill. I guess that's the result of sitting on the computer for most of your free time.
Alrights, well I guess that's about enough for my first blog. Just a little bit of info about me :)
laters xx Jani
P.s. Pineapple Express is an AWESOME movie. If you haven't watched it already, I highly recommend you go out and borrow it and watch it immediately :).
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